#i get shy posting stuff like this bc im scared i stray too far from canon
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my very self-indulgent personal headcanon for how modern au xiao looks like is early 2000s grunge garage band member
#my bonus silly/ just for lols headcanon is that modern au xiao was tumblr royalty during 2012-2014#im open to thought or disagreements#i get shy posting stuff like this bc im scared i stray too far from canon#but i wanted to express this thought ive been having LOL#i had a hugggggeee crush on trent lane as a kid and i think thats the main inspo for any of my posts tbh#june speaks!#june sillys!
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this is so fucking embarrassing to ask lol but how does one uh. make friends lol. like. especially as an autistic person whose main friend groups are nt and i masked so well just to fit in that realizing this makes me feel lonely and i want a friend group that i can truly be me with
more rambling under the cut
while looking stuff up since i only found out i was autistic like a week ago i keep seeing that it's rly rly common for nd ppl to find each other and just stick together and like i've Done that before i could do that but for years now i haven't rly strayed too far from my current friend groups and i also have all sorts of Social Anxiety and its just like. oh god. how do i make a Group of Friends who would get it
like ig its cause i masked so well as nt that i got all my friends that i did but like !!! i don't have a lot of people i can talk to about this stuff but the very few that i do i feel ten times more comfortable just spilling things to them than i ever have w my friends and its like 😭 god im so awkward.
but the problem is that im already a busy person i work every day and im so incredibly shy and awkward and always afraid of making mistakes and me making this post is something of desperation bc i neeed like-minded ppl to talk to. one on one convos is okay but waugh. it'd be nice to have a group. and to have one that i can be semi-active in and not be scared of and not feel pressured to respond and who would understand me and be nice to me and to each other
do you see how embarrassing this is. this is so awful lol im 26 and i'm reaching out like this?? you mean i didn't naturally make and keep friends who are also nd??? like. sniffles. embarrassing of me for real
#minhmy.rambles#like it would be nice. it would be so nice#i am a selfish selfish person who is full of envy and feeling horribly ostracized even with my close friends who i love very much but are#unfortunately nt. and i realize that im hiding from them; im Masking and i Hate that i don't like realizing that i don't like it#like i shouldn't have to! with my friends!! but?!!!?!#its just hard trying to figure things out and being brave to reach out and its so tiring on top of Literally Everything Else about my life#and i even have my doubts that posting this would do anything at all so. it kind of rly sucks#horribly horribly ostracizing
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